Jump to content

More jokes


Hans Strelow

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 8.2k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

The problem with the Chamberlain meme is that it has exactly no context. Not to mention that it isn't even slightly close to what he said.

Even the conventional view of Chamberlain's appeasement is arguably unfair. Given that nobody was prepared to go to war over Czechoslovakia, what else was there as an option?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

The town of Solvang, CA could claim being New Denmark (though Little Denmark might be more apt). The Danish-US crossover (stretch-limo parked in front of a Dutch (sic) windmill) still is one of the more bizarre memories of my US visits.

IMG_0718-min.jpg

 

Words fail me:

http://cdn.solvangusa.com/CMS/596/solvang,ca_solvang_julefestparade2__widescreen.jpg

Needless to say, the wings of that "windmill" are way too short.

 

Did I mention the Hans-Christian Andersen Skateboard Park?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Harrumph!

Florida?! Now I am actually borderline offended! Florida is flat enough, I'll grant you, but damnit, that humidity would drive any real Dane mad. Or is that how you get Florida Man?

Hmm, I gotta think on that...

 

--

Soren

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Something my mom sent to me today:

 

Subject: Ha-Has du jour 


The devil whispered to me, “I’m coming for you!”

I whispered back, “Bring pizza

 

Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave the house.

 

It’s weird being the same age as old people.

 

When I was a kid I wanted to be older.  This is not what I expected.

 

Life is like a helicopter.  I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

 

Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little chubby.

 

It’s probably my appearance that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.

 

Marriage Counselor:  “Your wife says you never buy her flowers.  Is that true?”

Him:  “To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.” 

 

Never sing in the shower!  Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. 

 

My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they make the food right in front of you.  So I took her to Subway and that’s how the fight started.

 

 During the middle ages they celebrated the end of the plague with wine and orgies.  Does anyone know if there is anything planned when this one ends?

 

I didn’t think the therapist was supposed to say “Wow” that many times in your first session, but here we are.

 

If 2020 was a math word-problem:  If you’re going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?

 

 I read about people my age mountain climbing; I feel good just getting my legs through my underwear without falling down.

 

 We can all agree that in 2015 not a single person got the answer correct to the question, “Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?”

 

 So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud?  An udder failure?

 

 If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.”  That way people will think you’re multi-lingual instead of an idiot.

 

 I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.

 

"Coronacoaster"   (noun):   The ups and downs of a pandemic.  One day you’re loving your bubble, doing work outs, baking banana bread, going for long walks; and the next you’re crying, drinking gin for breakfast and missing people you don’t even like.

 

 I’m at that age where my mind thinks I’m 29, my humor suggests I’m 12, and my body mostly keeps asking if I’m sure I’m not dead yet.

 

 Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you.  Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.

 

 I’m getting tired of being part of a major historical event.

 

 I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.

 

 How many of us have looked around at a family reunion and thought, “Well, we're just two clowns short of a circus.”

 

 At what point can we just start using 2020 as profanity?   As in:  “That’s a load of 2020,”  or “What in the 2020,” or “abso-2020-lutely.”

 

 You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.

 

 We all get heavier as we get older, because there's a lot more information in our heads. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

 This is the day dogs have been waiting for.  They realize their owners can’t leave the house and they get them 24/7. Dogs are rejoicing everywhere.  Cats are contemplating suicide.

 

 If you're trying to impress me with your vehicle it better be a food truck.

Edited by Tim Sielbeck
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Are Slovenia and Russia allies?  I'm seriously asking.  A prison official who was giving a safety lecture had an anti Trump rant at the end where he said "[they were the] same difference."  He had said Melania was from Slovakia, until I corrected him. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

CAN ADMINS OF THIS PAGE DO A BETTER JOB OF MONITORING WHO IS ALLOWED IN HERE PLEASE?!
WE HAVE A NEW MEMBER, AN ELDERLY WOMAN. SHE'S BEEN PRIVATELY MESSAGING PEOPLE, SENDING THEM NAKED PICTURES OF HERSELF IN NASTY POSES ALONG WITH CLOSE UPS OF HER UNMENTIONABLES. SHE IS OFFERING AN IPHONE 12 IN EXCHANGE FOR SEXUAL FAVORS. I AM ESPECIALLY BOTHERED BECAUSE IT TURNED OUT TO BE AN IPHONE 6 AND OBVIOUSLY SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH IT. IT'S SUPER SLOW AND THE CAPS LOCK WON'T TURN OFF.
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...