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Windows humor


Ivanhoe

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My dad swears up and down that XP was the last great version of Windows.  So we got him a Linux laptop skinned to look like Windows XP and he does not know the difference.  

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Win7 was better overall than XP, but XP was just a quantum leap in manageability and user experience.

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I have updated my list of computer people as follows: [insert humor]

Users: People who just use a computer to get things done, they could care less about the operating system so long as the computer allows them to do the things they want done by the computer. To them a computer is a major appliance like a microwave, and they just want it to work the same way all the time, every time, sometimes they apply updates, sometimes they do not. They get very upset when a "feature upgrade" breaks what they are used to using. Most can do some very minor fixes if they have either an Old guy/gal or Sys Admin walking them through it. Most Mac OS and Windows users. Usually saying: "WHY WON'T THIS THING WORK!?"

Gamers: They use the OS that allows them to get that very last frame and want an OS that allows them to install the occasional bleeding edge hardware, and they want their video card to work, work right, and give them max frames. They do not really care about OS that much except that it allows them to game. They want to put their 4090 TI/SUPER/MAX/UBER?GONZO card in and have it work along with their screamingly overclocked 16 core processor. Pretty much Windows gamers. Always seems to have that latest hardware and a gaming laptop that is so heavy you need a forklift to move it around. Usually saying: "Hey I got ultimate fraggage in CSGO with my [insert hardware]!"

Sys Admins: They want things to work, and keep it locked down enough that stupid (L)users cannot bork his/her system since he is the one that will spend hours of work unfarking things that a user did to cause it to crash. Generally seen with a mug of caffeine in his/her hand, and most often telling Users: NO! You cannot install that latest update to the latest malware! I have to keep this thing running! Pretty much anti-social except when around other Sys Admins. Can scream along in command line mode. Linux users generally, although many also can manage Windows Server. He lives on coffee, asprin, Pepto Bismol, stomach acid, and hate. He is the guy who has to connect the Yoyodyne NAS to the Banzai Institute server system that the "tech guy" has sold management on. Usually saying: "You did what?" as he walks away looking for asprin.

L33T H@x0r: The guy who has decided that he has to install [insert distro/OS] and tells everyone that he uses [fill in the blank] OS, which builds strong systems 12 different ways, and always refers to users, gamers, and others as Lusers since they cannot accept his OS brilliance! Sees the OS as their religion. Claims to live in VIM (or EMACS) (but really just use Nano), and is a command line master. We all know them. For this person it is a religion. Completely lacks respect for the "Old guy/gals" because they use a "kiddie distro". Usually saying: "BTW I use [insert distro here]!" every 2 minutes.

The Purist: The guy who only uses (by choice since they can afford newer computers) 10-15 year old hardware since it is "just better", runs an OS that works on their old hardware, and is constantly bemoaning the loss of 32 bit systems. Thinks GUI desktops are just too modern, and if you cannot write a script, configure cups, set up samba shares, and do it all from the command line, you just "don't get it". Generally a Gentoo, or BSD user. Shakes his head at the "new generation" who have no respect for classics. Usually saying; "Older stuff just works better".  Generally uses Lenovo, but never pays more than $50 for their computers.

The Old Guy (or gal): who knows their way around a computer, uses it for a lot of things, generally knows more than the H@x0r in terms of real life experience. Uses a OS (or multiple OSes) that get out of his way so he can do things, but he always mods them to work the way he/she wants them to work. Sees the computer and OS as a tool and something to spend time learning, having fun, or doing productive work, but it is not a religion. Uses Windows/Mac OS/LInux/BSD/Haiku, etc. Usually saying: "you do your thing and let me do mine".

Grandma/Grandpa: People who grew up in a different age where electronics were not available, and if something broke, you fixed it, repurposed it, or finally parted it out so that the "good" parts could be used to repair other broken stuff. People who have a cell phone, either smart or a flip phone, but only use it to make phone calls, don't care to game, they just want to use the computer to do their taxes, get their email, see and send photos of the grandkids/grandpets/family, use facebook, have no idea of computer scams, or security, and grew up in a time where you generally trusted "Authority" so that authentic looking email from the IRS means you had better respond. Mostly Windows users. Usually saying: "Did you see the latest photos of the kids..."

The Lost: Those people who should never be allowed to be around a computer, ever. The arch enemy of the Sys Admin. People that can find ways to bork a system that even the Sys Admin could not imagine. We all know them. We have all dealt with them. The sort of people who make you want to delete their systems completely. Generally windows users. Usually saying: "But I did it the way you told me to do it."

The Hipster: That person who has to let you know they are using the latest Apple hardware that is just sooooo much better over last years Apple hardware because Steve Jobs/etc have told him/her it was. Takes their latest Apple device to the coffee shop to show off their hardware even though all they do is email and social media. But you know who they are by their electronics and the way they dress.... iProduct above all else! Always supporting causes of which they really know nothing about, but because it is hip and trendy, they just fall in line. Usually saying: "Did you see my new Macbook XXXIII, or my iPhone 47? They just so much faster than the old ones!"

The IT guy: Has moved more Cat6 and Cat5 cable than anyone else, has as his bane the Lost. When not fixing things that got borked by clueless users, he is running cable, or helping the boss unfark his computer, he is in the IT office playing the latest FPS on the 16 core Ryzen system he convinced management to get for him so he can "test out the system". Generally gets along ok with the Sys Admin. Usually saying: "No! I will not fix your computer after work!"

The Tech Support Guy/ Office computer expert: Every office has one, the guy that always suggests a "better way to do things", or says; If we connected that Yoyodyne NAS to the Banzi Institute server, it would make things faster/better/cost less/ But he never seems to have done anything, but has a "friend" or has "read something about it", and is always there to provide "help", but never is at fault when things go south. The bane of the IT guy and the Sys Admin. Usually saying; "Hey if you did it this way, it would be better, trust me!"

The Coder: An IT professional or amateur enthusiast who uses their computer to make software such as web sites, applications etc. If only one person in your office has a mechanical keyboard, it will be them. They know all the keyboard shortcuts. They often butt heads with the Sys Admins as new security policies, unannounced network changes and OS updates often break the software they created. They are also known to hack their own workstation and other company assets. This will be the person who automates their administrative tasks such as time accounting in order to save time so they can create more code. Energy drinks are the staple of the coder. Conversations with them can be awkward. They usually see things in binary, i.e. something is either right or wrong, or black and white. During crunch time they will be a ghost. The only indication of their presence in the office is the frantic banging of the mechanical keyboard and occasional glimpse of them running to the restroom as their code compiles. Usually saying: "It is almost ready, give me five more minutes!"

This was intended as [humorous], so please take it that way.

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